The difficulty of being paid to create art.......

As an artist, I am often asked if I accept commissions.   The word commission is so difficult for me to process.   I love drawing everyone's pets, living or ones that have passed.   The problem becomes when the word commission is tacked onto it.  It's like this dark, gray cloud that seems to loom above me.  My sunshine and sparkle are now gone.  With just one word... Commission.   Why?  Why does this affliction happen when my art is in hot demand.  Most people would lap up the commissions and be in heaven with all of the requests.  Me?  I freak.   Perhaps it's not having belief in myself, or the misconstrued belief that I will be a huge disappointment to the individual that has commissioned me.   Another theory perhaps, is I really  hate to put money on something that is created from the heart.  When I have a lot of requests, I tend to go into shut down mode.  My art will not flow and I feel like I can't handle it.  I want to run away.  The pressure is to great.  This has been a cycle for me for years.  I've tried coping mechanisms such as  only taking on 1 or 2 commissions per month, not creating any commissions for a few months or being completely business like and setting a price and sticking with it.

What is interesting, is when I stop, I miss creating them.  I know my art could help many heal and give them comfort during their grieving process.   I know how strong the connection is of a beloved pet to their human.  I love to bring joy to all that receive my art.   Perhaps, in my mind, I can't fathom how does one charge for that?   I'm torn.  I know I have to make a living, especially in today's society, everything tends to be ruled by the monetary system.  Sometimes, I just wish I could be free, to share with others without any strings attached.   Eventually, the realization comes to me and I have to admit although I'd love to create art for free, it will not sustain me, nor pay for my art supplies and time.  If I really thought about it, I bet every artist would love the freedom to create just for the sake of creating, with no hidden agenda, goals, money or gallery shows.    Just beautiful, free flowing art from the heart.  Maybe someday, the world could be that way for everyone.  What ever your craft, passion or dreams are - you could do it, teach others and just let the beauty flow.  Imagine a planet with everyone giving, without asking to receive something in return.  What a beautiful place that would be.

I think, for now, I just need to learn to value myself, my time and my art.  To embrace the fact that I have the ability to touch others.  I should lovingly approach a commission without burden or guilt.  I need to embrace the fact this individual has honored me, by asking for me to create a portrait of something very special to them.  It really is a huge responsibility and honor.  I need to set my prices, be firm and just be in the moment while creating.  I need to enjoy the connection and joy that my art gives me. Living in the moment and savoring the connection.  Then, once I can release these fears, I know the beauty will unfold right before my eyes, for myself and others.

Note to self:   RELEASE the fears and let your beauty shine.   Note to readers:   RELEASE your fears and let your beauty shine (no matter what you are struggling with).  Let's not allow our thoughts cloud the beautiful light that we all have within us.  It's time to SHINE.